I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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