I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
