the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize