how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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