Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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