dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
