I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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