i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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