I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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