You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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