I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
