I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
