Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
