eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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