All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
