Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
nutella sex= disaster
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
