Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Randomize