the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
