Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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