so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize