Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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