Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
