One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I would ride that face into the sunset
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
