The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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