Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
