She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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