It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
