I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
