TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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