Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
