toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
