When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
