New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
