It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
