I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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