PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
