I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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