Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
