my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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