please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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