Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
