me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
