I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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