Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My bed smells like the plague
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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