I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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