East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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