Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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