Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
