It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
