last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
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I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
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I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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