his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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