Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
