I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
