Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
