there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
