I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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