I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
