So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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