there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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