You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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