these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
