Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
