Fine. I'll sleep in my office
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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