i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
