The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
