the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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