Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
