...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Your cock deserves a montage
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
