Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
