her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
