Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
