Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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