it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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