did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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